Why didn’t they just tell me they didn’t like me?

Colleagues,
 
MVP: In the absence of information, we create stories to explain someone’s behavior, but these stories are often negative and usually wrong.
 
Pre-pandemic I had been tasked with supporting a new principal.  I emailed them multiple times, trying to set up a meeting. After weeks of trying, I reached out to someone else I knew in the building to get word to the principal. The next day the principal emailed me and explained that all of my emails had been going into their junk folder.
 
We set up a meeting time.
 
At the appointed time, the principal didn’t show up. This happened several times.
 
By this time, I had figured out what was going on. For whatever reason, the principal did not want to work with me. I wish they had simply said as much.
 
After six months of trying, we finally met. The principal began with… can you guess?
 
“Dr. Buskey, it is so good to finally meet you. I have heard so many great things about you from the other principals, and I’m sorry it took so long to get together.”
 
We went on to have a great meeting and to lay the foundation for working together in the future.
 
In the absence of knowing why the principal didn’t connect with me, I created a narrative, a reason, that explained the behavior. I just made something up based on my own experiences, perspectives, and insecurities. 
 
Yes, I said insecurities.
 
When we know why someone is behaving in a specific way, we make up a reason, and in the absence of a strong relationship, the reason is usually negative.
 
Be aware of this tendency in yourself and others as we work thought the next seven days of M=V/E. 

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The scenario:
The state has decided that all elementary school teachers must learn a science-based reading technique and structure their lessons and teach in a specific format defined by the program. Let’s be creative and call the program LETTERS. 
 
The training requires teachers to spend 2-3 hours a week outside of the school day. As compensation the state is providing a monthly stipend of $200.
 
While some teachers are embracing the program, many are not

Cheers!

​Frederick